Before we get to explaining what is EMDR, we should first start by exploring who can benefit from EMDR. You don’t need to have a “special type” of trauma (whatever that is) to experience the positive side effects of EMDR. If there is any trauma impacting your quality of life whether its big or small, it can be addressed with EMDR. Following a negative notable event, if there is a lingering feeling of being stuck or in a never ending pattern, EMDR could be effective in breaking that pattern or pushing through that stuck feeling.  With the appropriately trained EMDR therapist, you can use EMDR to process unresolved trauma. 

So how does it work? What is it? EMDR is supported by what we know about the brain when it is capturing or storing a memory while in survival mode (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn). The premise is when we survive a negative experience or maybe a series of negative experiences, our nervous system is activated to protect us. We typically go into a survival state to protect us from danger. We either gear up to fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

Now after the incident has passed and we feel safe enough, our parasympathetic nervous system is activate to regulate and calm down the system that was previously in an alarmed, dysregulated state. Often, whatever memories you experienced and that were captured by your brain during that time while you were off line and in survival mode, are typically stored in a fragmented, unfinished, unprocessed sort of way. This is the reason, when something triggers a bad memory, we may respond in a dysregulated state because that is how our brain filed that memory with the associated emotions. That memory has not been given the chance to be “properly filed away” with all the adaptive resources you now have to take care of yourself. 

EMDR uses the mechanics of the brain’s bilateral way of communicating across the two cerebral hemisphere to allow the brain a chance to “re-process” or finally process past negative events. The left-right bilateral eye technique, resembles hypnosis but it’s not hypnosis, the bilateral movements is just activating our brains processing system to use the resources you already had before the traumatic event or even after that you weren’t able to access to apply to the traumatic memory. It’s also not hypnosis, because you are not in a trance, you are very much aware of yourself, the therapist, and you are actively participating in bringing up the memory and letting your therapist know what your brain is associating in attempt to process a trauma memory. 

Simply, EMDR directly targets unresolved traumatic memories, through using bilateral eye stimulation to give the brain an opportunity to reprocessed these memories with the goal of resolving it with new resources. 

It is imperative that your therapist do a good history taking prior to starting this type of treatment. It is also important that you feel comfortable with the EMDR therapist you are working with, as you are accessing very vulnerable moments stuck in time and should feel safe and trusting of the person facilitating this treatment. Lastly, you should only be doing this type of treatment with a mental health professional who is licensed and trained in EMDR. 

Happy healing! 

Pwendy Fenelus, LCSW

5. Dance it out

I know it sounds silly, but it works! Turn on your favorite song or album and watch how your face turns into a big smile. Now, whether everyone is looking or nobody is looking, I challenge you to just move to the music without any care. Something happens to our stress hormones when we allow ourselves to move our body and simply enjoy some fun and good music. Leave a comment below of your favorite music genre that gets you moving.

4. Walk it out (or run for those who enjoy running)

You will be pleasantly surprised to see the impact of how a 5 minute walk can change your mood, perspective and specifically the reduction of stress hormones in our bodies. You can walk with music or a podcast, but it is especially stress-reducing when you take a mindful walk without any distractions. It gives you a chance to really check out your surroundings. It gives you a chance to notice how the environment (the trees, the birds, even the landscape) compliments whatever our soul needs at that time.

3. Write it out

I want you to take a piece of paper or your journal and before you have a chance to think about what you want to write, I want you to quickly jot down what is on your mind right now. Keep going and keep writing without any filters the burdens or stress that is occupying your mind. This simple trick of getting what is your most occupying your mind on paper, can help you to reduce the stress concerning those things AND hopefully give you a new vantage point of view on the magnitude of the problem and how you can move forward in addressing it.

2. Sound it out

There is nothing like a good venting session with friend. So pick up the phone and call a trusted friend or family member and bravely share whatever is stressing you out. I recommend having a time limit in venting something that is negative, so that the venting session remain beneficial and positive to both parties.

1. Smell it out

Stimulate your olfactory system through aromatherapy. It is amazing how soothing and pleasant smell can calm us down. With that being said, light your favorite candle, turn on your essential oil diffuser, or rub a few drops of essential oil in your hand and take a few deep breaths in. If you are not into baths, invest in shower steamer tablet. However you can infuse a warm and inviting smell in your personal or work space, do it to reduce your stress.

I hope you use one or more of these helpful tips to help you reduce your stress.

The Spa

Therapy is like going to the spa. Imagine a beautiful spa, you enter and you automatically feel time slow down. The colors on the wall are beautifully muted, the sound being released through the speakers is serene and your nose even picks up a lovely scent. This automatically causes you to be aware that you are in a space that is safe and the people here will attend to meeting your needs to destress. This space loudly whispers safety and professionalism so much that you have enough trust to put yourself in a physically vulnerable position. It feels so safe and professional that you even choose on your own will to remove needed protective barriers like your clothing in order to participate in this spa like treatment.

In therapy instead of your physical body, the focus is on caring for your mind. While your body stores external impacts such as pains, aches, muscle soreness, etc. your mind stores the impact of your story, your experiences and the use of your voice. Instead of clothing barriers, in essence you are removing the protective barriers of your defense mechanism, of your coping skills, of the default way you do things.

Lastly, imagine flipping through the treatment service book and choosing the spa service you would like. Is it a facial? A full body massage, a deep tissue massage? Or is it just a pedicure today? In therapy, you choose alongside your therapist what you want to work on today. We laser target that area. So is it stress in your relationship with family, with yourself, in your workplace? Do you want to get deep or kind of stay on the surface? This is a picture of what therapy is like. A safe space fit for you to meet your need to de-stress.

The Gym

Therapy is like going to the gym. Imagine with me, walking into a gym, scanning the room and seeing the variety of equipment. In one corner, you have the cardio machines, in the other you see all the weight machines and free weights. You walk a little further in and you see the yoga room, pool, hot tub, sauna and massage tables. But you have a goal. Your goal is to shed 10 pounds. You goal is to build muscles. You goal is work upper body. Whatever you goal is, it guides you into which equipment to use. And sometimes it’s the more intense tools and sometimes its the more soothing tools. Whatever your choice is, it is working the body and getting you closer to reaching your goals. I like to think of therapy similarly. When you make that first call to find a therapist, there is usually a problem area you want to see a change in. And depending on which therapist and therapeutic perspective you choose, it may be an intense intervention or a soothing one, but whatever your choice, it is working that problem area and it is getting you closer to reaching your goal. By putting in the work, you will see the results.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines drama as “a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces.”

Experiencing trauma is one of the most dramatic events our bodies go through. It leaves memories on our brains, our muscles, our nervous systems and of course our thoughts/memories.

When we do not recognize the dramatic impact of our traumas, it can have longer-lasting effects on how we relate to ourselves and to other people. It can even impact our physical health (e.g. strokes, gastrointestinal disease, dependence on drug/alcohol, etc.) I told you it was dramatic. The good news is there are many ways to ameliorate post-traumatic symptoms. One of the most effective ways is through skilled psychotherapy treatments.

Talk therapy is not only talking to a stranger who “just listens”. The truth is many times, the therapeutic conversations becomes a safe space for your drama trauma to finally play out. Just like a dramatic movie that moves your heart, you will find yourself crying, laughing, angered, quiet and the rest of the human emotions. The goal with your therapist is to get you to your second act or the final curtain of the dramatic effects of trauma. The goal is to walk out the theater having been inspired by the resilience of your own story. When mental health therapy is provided by a skilled clinician, the following occurs:

• You discuss your story. What lasting impact good/bad (there is no indifferent here) that your experiences had on you?
• You (alongside your therapist) decide what goals you would like to work on. One could say I want a better relationship with my parents/spouse/children. I want to be less anxious, less depressed, have less family arguments, have more confidence. I want more connection my spouse, etc. Now do you need goals in therapy in order to start or continue therapy? Simple answer is no. Sometimes we just need to know our emotions first have a safe space to be contained before working on any goals. And that is absolutely normal and welcomed in therapy.
• You practice. I use to think of therapy as a spa for the soul, but as I continue my practice, I now like to see it as more of a health club or gym for the soul. At the gym there are a variety of machines and activities to get you to your health goals. Sometimes, we go to the gym just to sit in the sauna for an hour or for a fun group class and other times we may be pushing ourselves past our comfort zone with weight training for the benefit of intense muscle growth. Similarly, a competent therapist will access a variety of tools specific to you and your trauma to get you to your goals. The interventions are many, but here’s a few: EMDR, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, In Vivo Desensitization, Bibliotherapy, Biofeedback, Art or Music Therapy, Narrative Therapy, NLPT, Mindfulness, Family Systems Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Adlerian Therapy, Trauma-Focused Therapy. And really the list goes on. You want to make sure you are compatible with your therapist by expressing your needs and providing them with feedback with the style of therapy being used at any time.
• You check-in. Consider every session with your therapist as a much needed resting stop. Your therapist will check in with you on the focus problem and it’s proximity to your agreed upon goals.

It is pivotal for us to ascribe the drama in our trauma, because only then can we fiercely and unapologetically pursue healing, recovery and wholeness.

Can you remember how that made you feel? Were you grateful for their positive advice or did you feel a twinge of guilt for sharing your problem?

If you chose the latter, you sir or madam, have just experienced what we call toxic positivity. The characteristic of toxic positivity is simple. Toxic positivity dismisses the negative emotions by providing a subpar “quick-fix” positive solution as an attempt to deflect the negative emotions.

Toxic positivity can be so subtle that sometimes we are left deciphering the reason we are confused, “Like, wait a minute, he/she offered positive advice so why am I feeling this negative feeling?” Well it’s because toxic positivity leaves little to no room for you to actually say or process your actual problem authentically, which is most likely the reason you reached out to your friend/family.

When you find yourself in a conversation where positivity is used to deflect your feelings. I want you to remember that this method is not productive and it is toxic (harmful). Gently remind the person or maybe even yourself (if we’re the culprit) that you appreciate their advice, but you would like to know that your negative feelings towards a horrible situation are valued, appreciated and most of all validated.

1) Neutrality

Your therapist is assessing, diagnosing and creating a treatment plan solely with the information you bring to session. They are not partial to anyone in your story, like a good friend would be. The therapist has the ability to view your life ailments/contentions through the gift of neutrality. 

2) Confidentiality 

By law, your therapist cannot breached your confidentiality agreement. Your information is considered privilege and you as the client always hold that privilege. A friend on the other hand is not held by any legal standards to keep your information safe and confidential. The nature of confidentiality supports the therapeutic process, as we tend to feel safer to be more truthful when we know the information is protected. (Note: The only times where confidentiality can be breached without permission is whenever there is an intent to self-harm or intent to harm.)

3) Professionality 

Therapists, psychologists, mental health counselors are individuals who dedicated years of higher education and continued commitment to the study of human behavior, the psyche and the use of effective treatment models. A good conversation with a friend may leave us feeling encouraged, heard and loved. But therapy work, goes deeper, digs out the root and builds a longer-lasting change.

Fresh Living Counseling is currently open to new clients. We offer individual, couple or family therapy via telehealth. 

To schedule a consult, please click here or call 561-819-2562. 

Life is hard, your journey to healing doesn’t have to be. 

Because depression can show up in a variety of ways, the best way to know which avenue you can use to treat depression is by first understanding what type of depression you may have. Here are a few things to consider:

Significant Event

Consider if you have experienced any recent major or minor event. Try not to put any qualifier on this event. The description of “significant”, “major or minor” or “positive or negative” is relative to you as a person. For example, many women experience post-partum depression but consider having their baby as a positive experience. The result of depression does not necessarily matched the positive event they experience. Another example, someone obtaining the job of their dreams may suddenly bring up feelings of unworthiness which could potentially trigger depressive symptoms. Another example, someone who has secure attachment, moving out of an apartment may be categorized as minor insignificant event, but to someone who may struggle with insecure attachment, moving out of their apartment may be a significant event that brings them to a depressive state. Lastly a significant event, can be a change in seasonal weather. Make a note of any significant event and try your best to generalized your list.

Impact

I hear a lot of people say “I’m sad, I’m so depressed” when in reality one must meet a specific threshold to be diagnose with clinical depression. Consider the impact your depressive mood has made on your life. You can ask yourself, if your mood has made you change your daily or life routine. You use to go out more and now you prefer to stay in. You use to enjoy this hobby and now your mood has impacted your motivation towards this hobby. It can even present itself with an increase of activity. You use to purchase within your budget, but now you have increase your shopping beyond your budget. Or you are consuming more than usual. One of the key to determining what type of depression you may be dealing with may lie in its degree of impact.

Frequency & Duration

Lastly, consider the frequency and the duration of your depressive symptoms. Seasonally affective depression typically last the affected season. Post-partum depression typically last the the period of time immediately following childbirth. Dysthymia is considered a low-grade depression that is a constant part of life, but not as impactful as major depression. Manic depression typically shows up following a manic episode or if there is a co-occurring disorder. Determining the frequency and how long depressive symptoms last, will help in pinpointing the type of depression.

I recommend seeking a trusted professional mental health provider for a proper diagnosis and treatment for your presenting symptoms.

Currently accepting new clients. Schedule your complimentary consultation today: https://calendly.com/freshlivingcounseling/15-minute-client-consultation